The Challenging Child

I mentioned earlier that Kamie has had a Major attitude switch.  She has been demanding, frustrating, angry… etc.  The attitude started popping up about a year ago.  We drew battle lines on January 2, when she started crawling out of her crib. I thought that two weeks of consistent training should do it. (bahaha)  8 months later…

While she was generally better around other people, that wasn’t always the case, so I stayed home from lots of events to avoid gigantic temper tantrums. It might even have been funny if it wasn’t my child saying  “Meme push little kids”,  “I doesn’t like you mommy!” or have you asking “Why did you go potty on the counter?” (btw her answer, after shrugging shoulders was “Meme naughty”)  the worst part was how angry she was, at me and the world. The stiff back. Waking up in the middle of the night and hitting at me, while crying for me.

We had a break through… I hesitate to say the difference maker, cuz if you’re a mom going through this, and are at the I’ve-tried-everything point, it might just be frustrating…

But…

I took away things, I wasn’t sure if she would get the concept, but she did – and a Eureka attitude change resulted.  Favorite blankie, (covered her with a different blanket) pillow, stuffed animals etc.  I told her as I laid her down, that if she got out, Xyz was going to be gone until – either naptime was over, or I decided that her heart was happy.  I started with something she liked, and had her absolute favorite object be second to go. This gave her a bit of undeserved grace… she could tell I was serious. It kept me from continual warnings… And since it was only one object before her beloved red blankie… It also kept the timing short, so we weren’t spending the entire afternoon taking away inanimate objects.

So there you have it.  I’m really not sure if that was what changed her, or the fact that her little stubborn heart realized I would be blocking her at every turn, and she might as well give up. 

I cannot believe the change in her.  She’s happy. We can play together. She helps me.  Tantrums are waayy down – frequency and Richter scale.

Since you’re in the battle for the war….

1.       Train up a child in the way he/she should go.
This is your command. It helped me to continue, knowing that I was doing my job as a parent.

2.       Find Neutral Ground
We had the park and the car… Both Kamie was good in. It was very necessary for me to have some ‘breather’ times. Unless you’ve gone through this, you have no idea how demoralizing 8 months of consistent training with 0 visible results is.

3.       Get Support
Someone who is a little ahead of you… but not so far that they’ve forgotten the grittiness of it all.  A good friend, that you can call anytime or better yet who will call to check in on you –And the more you have the better.  I needed every single last one of mine!

4.       Avoid Detractors
Good friends, family… People you love, who love you. These are the ones who tell you what you are already doing in a knowing voice… Be consistent. Love them. Spank. They must have just had 3 easy – peasey kids. (Yours isn’t of the milk toast variety!) There will be other times to be close to them… right now it will just hurt your relationship, Cuz frankly, they are annoying, and you are over sensitive.

5.       Man Looks on the Outward Appearance
Now this may just be me… and how shallow I am, but I could deal better with Kamie if her hair wasn’t as messy as her ‘tude.  So I tried to dress her up, do hair and put lotion on her.  If we were having a good day I could care less what she looked like!

So while I’m completely overjoyed and feel ready to take on any parenting challenge…

I realize that

I have an end in myself

Nobody has it all together. Not everyone knows that (Don’t be the first to tell them)

Your child will act on their own free will

Coffee is wonderful